Hi there,

I’m a 49 year old trans woman. So then, a girl, later a woman who was raised, socialised as, and expected to be a boy.

I have been saying all of what you articulate in this article for many years now.

Anger is the only piece of emotional vocabulary we ever teach our young men. And then we wonder why they kill themselves fully three times as often.

Being raised that way was gruelling for me. But I have zero reason to believe it any easier for a cis man. I simply see no reason to assume that men are any less capable of a full range of human emotions than women.

The most hurtful thing to men is the ubiquity of the complicity in this illusion. Men and women both raise their boys this way. Men and women both enforce patterns of behaviour that are deeply damaging, both to the man himself and to those women and children around him, potentially.

That’s the great sorrow, for me. Your article is proof that we can recognise this detrimental socialisation and can compensate for it. But it so seldom translates into a call to fundamentally review the raised of boys. In your own case you acknowledge your own discomfort at the emotion of those men in your life. This discomfort must not be allowed to translate into ongoing complacency. As indeed it all too often does.

I applaud your insight. I just wish many more shared it. It would literally save lives. Men’s, women’s, children’s.

Best wishes


Capricious by name, steadfast by nature. Trans femme dyke. Smutsmith. Provocateur. Poet. Idiot. Kicking names and taking ass.

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