Hi there. Thanks for the article. It was thought-provoking.

How about trying this… Please re-read your article and every time you mention your son’s stated desire to wear a dress replace that notion with him expressing a desire to find a nice boy to marry when he grows up. And then see if your advice to yourself would be the same. That you’d tell him he could date a boy later. That he could have his boyfriend over when you knew you weren’t going to be going out so much for a time. Or when he’s old enough to demonstrate he understands the consequences… Your words, and yet you say you don’t want him in a closet. If your child is transgender or gender non-conforming you’re already hammering away furiously at constructing the closet for him to climb into as soon as he is more aware of differences in gender expression.

I have two daughters. I know what it is to worry for them. Likewise my wife worried for me when I came out as trans. Your son is young enough that it’s likely a non-event and it’ll pass with time. But if he does have a degree of gender variance that’s permanent you run a risk by not indulging what is, at a young age, harmless play with expression but can be oh so damaging in those of us who know how others expect us to look and behave but it’s not who we are.

Of course each of us is free to raise their children as we see fit. I see in some of your statements a blindspot and the closest you come to addressing it is by mentioning how neither of your son’s dads had a thing for drag…

I hope you hear the love in my words because that’s honestly my only motivation.

Warm regards,


Capricious by name, steadfast by nature. Trans femme dyke. Smutsmith. Provocateur. Poet. Idiot. Kicking names and taking ass.

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