I don’t really think you’ve been any more naive than the next person. Being trusting isn’t a fault in itself. The shame lies with those who’d abuse such trust (such as that BDSM partner of yours).

Neither are you a pushover. Us women are raised to put others first. It’s a powerful message woven deep into who we are. Yes, even a trans woman like me. I got the same messages as everyone else that men can have certain expectations and women should behave certain ways. I tried living by the men’s rules but they were never mind and upon transition I went with the rulebook that fit me, the women’s. And so even I learned, bone deep, to put myself second. You know a bunch of my life and you know it’s much the same for me as for you.

But that self-sacrifice isn’t us being a pushover. We do it because we’ve been led to believe its our role all our lives. But also because its who we are. Generous, caring, loving people who give too much of ourselves.

I know that with age and with a growing weariness of being taken for granted you and I both are standing up for ourselves and establishing boundaries. In your case you have the love of a good man, who very clearly buoys you up and lends you strength and courage. As a decent life and love partner should.

I’m glad you’ve got him. And I’m glad you are asserting yourself.

You know how much I love and care for you.

Keep on dealing with the dickheads with grace and dignity and a laugh at their desperation and fragility where you can.

💋

Capricious by name, steadfast by nature. Trans femme dyke. Smutsmith. Provocateur. Witch. Poet. Slut. Idiot. Kicking names and taking ass.

Capricious by name, steadfast by nature. Trans femme dyke. Smutsmith. Provocateur. Witch. Poet. Slut. Idiot. Kicking names and taking ass.