So I read your piece with great interest.

You mention labels and like many you struggle with them. For me they’re shorthand. Descriptive not proscriptive.

I could say I’m a woman who’s attracted to women, despite my having been assigned male at birth but I don’t feel sexual attraction unless I have an emotional connection with the person.

Or I could say I’m a trans lesbian demisexual.

Shorthand. But as I said not proscriptive. I reserve the right to believe that in 7 billion people there are likely a bunch of men who could rock my world. But… I’m not looking for that especially hard. I’m primarily attracted to women and that’s fine. So still lesbian. Likewise the way I socialise really precludes me having sex with someone before I know them pretty well anyway. So still demi. And trans… Well I don’t have much choice in that.

But I don’t let the labels define me. I define the labels. And they give people a quick few insights into me. If they judge me adversely by those, meh, that’s their loss.

I hope you find that someone, regardless of their gender, regardless of how that causes you to re-examine the labels you wear.

Much love, many hugs



Capricious by name, steadfast by nature. Trans femme dyke. Smutsmith. Provocateur. Poet. Idiot. Kicking names and taking ass.

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