Mrs. Capricious
2 min readOct 3, 2024

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Thank you, Jim. That means a lot. Being a trans woman feels like being part of an endangered species right now, especially as my girlfriend is also transgender.

However, those moments of extremis - and the piece is a condensed version of several times I've found myself at a metaphorical cliff edge - had little to do with being trans. Or that I'm a lesbian.

Rather it's the ancillary issues that drive me lower. I'm homeless. And that's complicated. I'm poor. My parents wrote me a letter telling me they don't want to have anything to do with me. I haven't seen my daughter in 17 years. I don't even know if she knows I'm trans. I've been arrested twice. My partner has been arrested.

And while the above might sound like over-sharing, it's really just scratching the surface.

In the five years since I came out as well as adjusting to a different gender, I've had to adjust to a radical shift in my position in society. I now live on the absolute margin.

I anticipated a lot of that, given women's position in society. I was naive. Because it's not just that I'm a woman, It's that I'm a lesbian, I'm queer, I'm trans, I'm a full-time carer - an occupation that does NOT pay. All those layers, and more, push me further out.

It's a LOT.

However... At the age of 53 I've learned a powerful lesson - We are all stronger than we realise. But that only becomes visible when your troubles are in the rearview mirror. The simple fact of surviving shows that we're strong enough.

And that's how I keep going.

Plus I didn't want to write the usual trans suicide stuff.

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Mrs. Capricious
Mrs. Capricious

Written by Mrs. Capricious

Capricious by name, steadfast by nature. Trans femme dyke. Smutsmith. Provocateur. Witch. Poet. Slut. Idiot.

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