But let's look at your second sentence there. I've seen some of your own pieces. You don't express yourself as non-binary, it seems to me. And I get it. If I recall correctly you're married, right? And your wife is not exactly supportive. I entirely sympathise. When I came out I was approaching my 20th wedding anniversary with my second wife. I didn't want to lose her. I was also her full time carer, due to a range of disabilities. So... the fear of change, the fear of loss, the fear of being alone, and the guilt of neglecting her care resulted in me seeking some way, any way, to maintain what I had while somehow addressing what had by then become a need for feminine expression that was so utterly pressing, yet inexplicable.
As a result, for a time, I tried to tell myself, and my wife, that I was non-binary. By that point I wore suits all the time, despite not working. That too was part of the 'strategy' - I figured if I gave my wife MORE of 'him' she would give me more leeway to explore my feminine side. Then I added high heels. Jewellery. Makeup. Quite the look, I'm sure you'd agree.
But it was... Not me. I'm a woman. It was no use half-assing it.
And this is where there's no Sugar-coating it. Ultimately being who I truly am cost me. It's been worth it. But it the scary truth of being trans. It's why we deny it for so long. We look so hard for any other rationalisation for our 'urges'. Because deep down we know what it may cost us.
And it's a determination only we can each of us make. No-one else can make it for us.
Wherever your journey takes you, you won't be alone.
Much love, many hugs,