Thanks for this, Ellen.

Firstly, welcome to the sapphic sorority. Yay for you and coupling out AND proud. I’m proud and happy for you.

Secondly, on a personal note, your invocation of Rich’s definition of Compulsory Heterosexuality has helped a nascent piece of mine along. I hope you’ll read and enjoy it when it’s out (and ahem proud).

Bizarrely my own experiences with this concept are twofold.

When I was a lesbian teen all my sexual desires were gay. I didn’t really suffer any equivocation of my gynephilia. And at the time CH made that OK cos everyone and everything was yelling at me that I was a boy

Yay. Attracted to girls. Good job.

Except that all my thoughts were of being a girl with another girl. So CH was helping police my gender.

Then much (so much ugh) later when I came out as a trans woman CH reared its ugly head again. I was married to a straight woman. That’s kinda a side issue, except that I wanted a woman who was into woman.

However, early in transition, because there are elements and times when you feel like a tabula rasa I started looking at men. I wasn’t attracted, but I was looking and thinking ‘so you’re what I’m supposed to be attracted to?!’.

Like WTaF?! I’ve fucked men. They’d have told you I was a straight man. They’d have been wrong on both counts. Yet here I was, a middle-aged trans lesbian, being policed by CH again, and wondering if I should find a nice man to settle down with.

Smfh.

So… I’m so glad both of us have thrown off those shackles.

Thanks for a great piece.

Much love,

A

Capricious by name, steadfast by nature. Trans femme dyke. Smutsmith. Provocateur. Witch. Poet. Slut. Idiot. Kicking names and taking ass.

Capricious by name, steadfast by nature. Trans femme dyke. Smutsmith. Provocateur. Witch. Poet. Slut. Idiot. Kicking names and taking ass.