Thanks so much for the substantive reply, Jas. I took love engaging with my audience and with those fellow writers whose work I enjoy.

Thanks too for the clarification. That helps. I will admit to taking the time to examine my sexuality when I started transition

But while I’m happy to believe that somewhere in 7 billion there’s a man or two who could rock my world, I’m not looking especially hard. I’ve known I was lesbian since my sexual awakening, which was confusing for a male-bodied teen in an all boys school. Lol

My wife of 23 years is ‘painfully straight’ (her words) so that’s a strain. So much so I’ve dated lesbians outside the marriage. My wife and I gave long history and I’m her full time carer so I defy anyone to judge the pragmatism with which we navigate our relationship.

I know for a fact that you’re far from alone. I know plenty of post-transition trans folks whose sexuality kinda flipped. If you know what I mean. Their orientation didn’t but that meant who they were attracted to changed. Whereas i spent 48 years as a ‘straight man’ now I find I was very wrong on both counts. Interestingly however the way I make love to women has changed radically and not just because of some of the more obvious physical limitations of having been on estrogen for a prolonged period.

I do find it interesting though that you expressed no attraction to men previously. It seems easy to explain some women such as yourself giving yourself ‘permission’ to love men post-transition. Especially given the stigma that can still dog homosexuality. But to find that attraction almost from scratch is interesting as it is lovely. Gotta love how complex we are.

I am sorry to hear about your lady friend however. Its never easy facing up to the truth of the matter after the reassurances we gave when we ourselves were convinced. I too told my wife I had no plans to transition. I was at least open enough to say I couldn’t rule it out at some point. But that day came far sooner than I’d anticipated.

Anyway, it’s nice to meet you, sister.

Much love, many hugs.


Capricious by name, steadfast by nature. Trans femme dyke. Smutsmith. Provocateur. Poet. Idiot. Kicking names and taking ass.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store