That a person’s past should be left in the past is a fine principle and when someone does something as radical as transitioning gender the stakes are raised.

But this is a dangerous point for trans people. When there are still states where the trans panic defence is allowed in a court, disclosure can be a matter of life and death.

Personally, as a lesbian, who is mid-transition (it’s a LONG process, especially with NHS waiting times for gender-affirming surgery. Though I acknowledge it’s a massive privilege to be able to access such treatment for free) I always disclose that I’m trans. Plenty of cisgender lesbians are still attracted to me. But some balk at the idea of a penis, regardless of how unpenislike it is now (hormones mean it functions exactly like a clit). I respect other people’s genital preferences. Largely because if someone is so shallow as to find my outward appearance a turn-on but won’t touch my genitals to please me then I probably don’t want to be with that person. I’ve dated a pre-everything trans woman myself and had we become intimate it wouldn’t have bothered me at all. I was attracted to her as a woman. I’d have engaged with whatever plumbing she had because of any love I had for her.

Sadly, every aspect of trans people’s lives are endlessly examined and litigated. And the general public seems to think they have a right to know of our trans identity. Indeed we’re constantly labelled as deceitful. And the ‘shock’ of sudden discovery is enough to let some killers walk free.

So non-disclosure can make us targets. And disclosure puts us in the crosshairs of transphobic hate mongers. We really can’t win.

Capricious by name, steadfast by nature. Trans femme dyke. Smutsmith. Provocateur. Witch. Poet. Slut. Idiot. Kicking names and taking ass.