What I’ve realized is that men are problem solvers. Have you ever unloaded an elaborate story of the ignorance of a friend or co-worker just to have your partner say, “why don’t you just stop spending time with her?” He thinks that you’ve presented a problem, and he’s fixed it, why are you not patting him on the back? When in reality, all you wanted was for him to acknowledge that you were justified in feeling annoyed. So you can move on.
This. As a trans woman, a woman raised and socialised as a male, I can tell you this is spot on. How much of it’s nature I couldn’t say, but I do KNOW nurture plays a part. They’re taught this hands-on approach.
And there are men who can (genuinely) learn to understand a woman’s need to simply be heard, with no solution being offered.
But for the rest of your piece what you’re describing is a simple division of labour. And I can near guarantee that the resentment you feel at his freedom, his escapes to work and the like, he likely harbours resentment that you get to spend more time with the kids, that you don’t have to the work he’s doing, he maybe even get pissed off and think ‘hell, she was here and she couldn’t even picked up these dirty clothes’.
The grass isn’t always greener.
But then I think you already know a bunch of this and your article is more in the vein of wanting to air you feelings and being heard, with no solutions being offered.
And I’m neatly back where I started.
Your resentment is valid. But maybe you mind see the other side of it…
Much love, many hugs.