Trust me when I say you waited way long enough. I'm double your age at 53, and I didn't come out until I was 48, and 20 years into my SECOND marriage (fortunately only one child, but that's it's own story).
Like you, I tried. I really did. And I must have done sufficiently 'good' a job of it, because no-one was unsurprised when I came out. That said, however, I found myself in a position to remind myself, my wife, others who knew me of just how often they'd said things like 'You're not like other men', or they'd comment on the way I did something (crossing my legs ffs), or the very fact I did or did not do something that was a stereotypically gendered activity. The signs were there if one was attentive enough.
Unfortunately, I'd been taught, repeatedly and at a very young age, that my desire to be a girl was not only somehow, incomprehensibly wrong, but utterly forbidden.
It took me a hell of a lot to throw of those shackles. I'm proud that you were able to come to terms far earlier in life than I managed.
With regards to your friend... Well, here's one of those things you don't get told about adulthood, much less being trans. Friends seldom last. People change. We change. Our interests elide from one another and then one day you're listening to your childhood bestie and wondering how the hell you ever ended up with his lame ass in the first place.
Get used to letting go. I won't tell you to grow a thick skin, to toughen up. Hell no, That shit is for the toxic masses. Girl, you'll feel pain and heartbreak, but you'll get through it. And you'll be the better for it. You'll have learned more of yourself, and you'll have granted that person, her, you, a new perspective about what matters and what does not.
'Friends' who don't see your issue, or worse, don't care, nah, we don't have to put up with that. Not ever.
You deserve better. Lay it out, one last time, as baldly as you can (remember you're not talking to a woman, ditch the nuance). If he can't take stock and apologise and adjust, cut him out.
I know that sounds black and white, and harsh. And OFC YMMV. But I'd really like to save you a little of the pain so many of us go through needlessly.
Much love, Many hugs,
Abbie
